Frustrated?

Over the past 4-5 days I have become frustrated little by little by so many things because ultimately it seems I can't do anything right. I will name some of them to let you have an idea.

One of those is language. Whether it be language class or talking with friends, I will say something and there response is,"I understand but it is either to formal, to informal, just doesn't sound quite right to a natural speaker." Sometimes, there are two ways to say the same thing but it always seems that I end up using the one that doesn't fit the situation quite right. I don't know.

Second would be all those small details of life that don't seem like a big deal. I will take the example of cooking. So the vegetables here are probably the cleanest vegetables I have ever seen. The carrots look spotless and the potatoes don't have a speck of dirt on them. It seems that the carrot must be peeled. The funny thing is you can't tell were you have already peeled because there is no difference but you must peel it. The potatoes also seem to be one of those things that you must peel. So I peeled the potatoes and they had those small dots where an indentation was that still had skin on it, so I thought no big deal. Wrong. No skin anywhere.

Another thing is language study has been pretty lonely during the week. I live with one staff and two former students who work about 12 hour days 6 days a week. If I see them for 10 minutes during the week, that is a lot. So it is pretty much Tomo and I but Tomo is often gone from the house during the day, so studying can be pretty boring after a while. I came to realize this week that I don't have anyone to talk to during the afternoon and evenings while studying. Not English or Japanese. On my trips here before I have always had someone close by who I could speak English with and talk to at anytime but I don't have that now.

During the last couple days God has been teaching me a lot about relying on Him. It is so easy to rely on friendships and relationships and kind of rely upon God. So during the last week, I started to feel that I couldn't do anything right which is very frustrating and humbling. Imagine going through a 3 day time period where 90% of everything you do isn't quite right and you get corrected for it and you can't speak English back to them. That is the way I have felt. Almost nothing you do is the way you are used to doing it.

But God has shown me once again that these times of trials are to help me conform into the image of Christ. Even the small little things of everyday life for when I am weak, then I am made strong. Our Awesome God who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand and marked off the heavens with a span, He who is so great and myself who is so small is right here next to me helping me see the truth in this situation. Through all these difficulties and frustrations of the past week, he has been drawing me closer to Himself and showing me his great power with one arm and his great tender care with the other.

I have some ideas of things I can do where I can meet with students and still study Japanese full-time. Please be praying for me that I will be using the Japanese that I have learned while making deeper relationships with the students.